Mission-Driven in Mississippi (#109)

Matt Fleck:
Welcome back everyone to your favorite school counseling podcast, or at least we hope so called Inspiring School Counselors. I’m Matt Fleck with Inspire Success. You have a fun treat for your ears ahead as our own Aimee Portteus chats with a passionate and enthusiastic Mississippi school counselor of the year. Dr. Ebonee Magee-Dorsey Ebonee returned to the small Mississippi town where she grew up and is transforming the school counseling program there.  

Ebonee:
I started off doing my internship in a district that had it all together. I mean, there was a counselor at every school, maybe two or three. It was perfect. And at first I was like, this is the dream drive. This is where I wanna work. It’s all put together. They follow the ASCA national model. But then it hit me and I was like, do I really wanna work somewhere that already has it together? They don’t really need me. I need to be somewhere where I can build it and then leave like a legacy for school counselors. Like, Hey, we built this from the ground up and what perfect place to start. Then my hometown, who really only had one school counselor and that was on the high school level and we had our C T E counselor, so I’m coming back. We didn’t have, uh, a counselor at the elementary level or middle school.  

So when I first started, I was covering all of those schools and I was spending half of my day at the high school to come and help out. Oh. Within advocating for my position, now we have, um, a counselor that is at our elementary, at our middle school. That’s a split position. And then we have one that is at our two, uh, K eight schools and that’s a, and we’re still advocating to get a counselor at every school, but we’ve come a long way since 2015 where I was the counselor going everywhere, like one day at a, you know, a week at a different school.  

Aimee: 
Clearly advocacy energizes you.

Ebonee:
Yes, it does. I’m always going to fight for our role as a school counselor no matter where I’m at. That’s just something I’m truly, truly passionate about. Yeah. Because I believe every, like, I know this is so cliche cuz it’s on t-shirts and everything, but I truly believe every child deserves a school counselor.  

Aimee:
Awesome. Ebonee, you’re, you’re also a school counselor of the year, right?  

Ebonee:
Yes.  

Aimee: 
I’d love to hear a little bit about that experience.  

Ebonee:
Okay. Well it has been amazing and I just wanna tell everyone, like, if you’re doing amazing things in your school, do not be afraid to share that and to, and it’s not about the recognition of the work that we do, it’s the recognition of our profession. 

Aimee:
Oh, well said.

Ebonee:
Letting people know what we are truly about. And this experience has given me the opportunity to kind of put that on social media. It’s another advocacy piece for me saying, Hey, we’re not guidance counselors, we are school counselors, you know, and coming right off the cusp of National School Counseling Week and I’m watching the Super Bowl and the first thing they show is guidance counselor on the commercial. And it’s amazing to see how school counselors  

Aimee:  
I reacted very strongly to that. You’re right. Yes.  

Ebonee:
Cause we did. And you know, even though it was a positive message in there and I was sitting thinking, I was like, you know, the NFL really could have helped us out.  

Aimee:
Oh, well you know that I’m tagging the NFL in this now, right? 

Ebonee:
Yes, Please. They need to hear a little expertise going. Just changing that title.  

Aimee:
Yes, absolutely. So if you and all the other school counselors of the year, we’re gonna put your heads together, what do you believe would be the one suggestion you would give to other school counselors  

Ebonee:
To enjoy the job? Take care of yourself. Do the work, but don’t let the work overwhelm you. Because it can. Prior to Covid, I had a self-care plan, but I was not implementing it with fidelity. And I had a change with administrators. Things started to get really dark for me and then I kind of found myself shopping and I’m like, that’s not me. And I had to sit back and say, okay, I gotta make some changes. And I had another administrator from a different district reach out to me and she was like, I’m kind of noticing you’re not your normal self. And she says, I wanna leave you, I wanna ask you something and I want you to write it down and I want you to think about it every day. And she says, does this serve you well? Like, whatever you’re doing, is that serving you well? And ooh, that hit hard. And um, I started to reflect, started taking my own advice like journaling. Like I would tell my students all the time, like, you need to journal, like when you have no one else to talk to, journal. And then I started reading this book, um, Atomic Habits by James Clear. And it talked about how to make those changes and not just try to do it all at once in one day. And so it was a gradual change. And then after I realized, like I went shopping one day and I’m like, Ooh, I don’t wanna shop. I knew I was out of it. I knew I was out of that space and doing the work and doing the research really helped me. Yeah. So that is one of the things that I talk about now with other school counselors and educators is just taking care of myself, you know?  

Aimee:
Exactly. I have read that Atomic Habits book. It’s life changing, isn’t it?

Ebonee:
It is. It is so good. It is really well done.  

Aimee:
It is really good. And, and I think what I liked about it is that it was a very simple process. It wasn’t rocket science. It was something that I should have noticed, but um, I needed somebody to put that together for me. That’s awesome. 

So beyond social media then, what’s something that you think no schools should be without a resource real or imagined that you would say, if we all had this, we’d all be in a good space.  

Ebonee:
Candy and snacks, hot chips, <laugh>, because that’s what kids love. Yeah. Um, this year is my first year as the CTE counselor in my district. Oh. Uh, last year, in the prior years I had been at the middle school in elementary. And so stickers, candy, my magic wand, those were the things that kind of kept my office running. Especially…

Aimee:
Wait! I’m so sorry. You have a magic wand?

Ebonee:
I have a magic wand. I have three and I had to, had to put them away on the high school level because I know the kids would be like, why are you pulling that out? But with my elementary kids, it was amazing cuz I would be like, okay, if I, if you have three wishes, you know, what would they be? Yeah. And then we kind of build from there because I’m gonna be able to gauge so much off of those three wishes. Yeah. My magic wand. And then when they leave, I’m gonna give them, you know, some candy or some chips. So they’ll come in and they’ll say, it’s for the candy, but then they’ll sit down and then they’ll let it all out. They’ll just tell me like, whatever is going on.  

Aimee:    00:06:56    Yeah. In my career I was always amazed at how much more open a student would be with me if they had a hot beverage in their hand. <laugh> like, yes, I didn’t make ’em a cup of tea. And then it was all about telling me everything they needed to say. Right?

Ebonee:
Yes. Yes.  

Aimee:
Sometimes when we’re not doing, we’re not getting everything we need, we start feeling overwhelmed. So when you feel overwhelmed or you’ve lost your focus, what do you do? How do you get yourself back on track?  

Ebonee:
Um, again, I always have to go back to that question that administrator asked me, is this serving me well? To kinda get back into focus. Like at school counselors we’re probably some of the most emotional people on campus.  

Aimee:
Right. <laugh>.  

Ebonee:
But we also have to kind of check those emotions. Right? Um, so first I’m gonna ask myself, is this serving me well? Right? And second, if I feel like my attitude is turning, I’m going for an attitude adjustment walk. I’m gonna go to the gym, I’m gonna walk it out. If I’m walking, I’m thinking, and during shower time, that’s my thinking time. So I can kinda reset after I do that. That attitude adjustment walk.  

Aimee:
I love that. Attitude adjustment walk. I’m gonna add that to my life right now. That’s awesome. You have been so much fun to talk to. Thank you so much!

Ebonee:
Thank you for having me.  

Aimee:
Absolutely. We like to end our interviews with some rapid fire questions. So I’m gonna give you a few questions and you’re just gonna gimme your first thought. Are you ready? All right. What’s the best book you’ve read in the last year?  

Ebonee:
In the last year? It would be Deep Kindness by Houston Craft.  

Aimee:
Oh.  

Ebonee:
Uh, he, first of all, he was our, um, our speaker for our conference for Magnolia State, our first in-person conference. Yeah. Amazing. He had everybody walking outta there just ready to go back and love on our kids even more.  

Aimee:   
That’s great.  

Ebonee:
And with that, you know, we always hear, and this was one of the things he talked about in the book, was always hearing the quote, throw kindness like confetti. And he was like, if it’s really that easy, wouldn’t the world be a little bit kinder? But it’s not because we’re, we’re, we’re only hitting the surface. And another thing that he mentioned in the book was, you know, we’ll ask people, how are you doing? And we’re probably in motion like, Hey, how you doing? Are you having a great day? You know, like we’re just expecting to hear, oh, I’m great. I’m fine. Yeah. But do we ever just stop and say No, really? How are you doing? Like, you look a little frustrated, like, what’s going on? Because we’re, we’re like this microwave society. We’re so busy, like trying to get things done Right. But we don’t slow down to really ask. Yeah. No, really how are you?

Aimee:
That social awareness piece is missing in a lot of our relationships. Absolutely.  

Ebonee:
Yes.  

Aimee:
Ebonee, what’s the funniest quote or oddest thing a student has said to you?  

Ebonee:
This happened to me two days ago, actually. And I was, I was a little shocked cause I’ve never had a student say this to me. I called a student in and we’re talking about a class that he’s not doing well in. And he looks at me and he says, well, what is it to you? And I was like, whoa. So I had to check my face real quick not to show any emotion. And I just said, do you not know that I care about every student in this district? And when you fail, I fail so it matters. Hm. That’s quick on my feet because I’ve never had a student say, well, what is it to you? But I, I felt the hurt in him and knew that it wasn’t about me. It’s about whatever is going on at home. So I’m gonna keep on working with him and by the end of the year, we’re gonna have the best relationship ever. So it’s probably a lot of hot chips and candy and maybe, but I’m gonna get like, he’s been on my heart.

Aimee:
I hear that. I hear that. Sounds like it. He’s gonna talk about you down the road as somebody who changed his life.  

Ebonee:
I hope so. Even if he just talks to himself about it. I just hope that I make that change. 

Aimee:
Yeah. So Ebonee, what candy do you have on your desk right now?  

Ebonee:
I have Valentine’s candy and the kids have almost wiped me out. So I think I had like four pieces of candy left in my little bucket because they come, they, they’ll be like, Hey, how are you doing this morning? Got some candy? That is the question. Um, so I’m almost out, so I’m gonna have to go and refill with Easter candy now.  

Aimee:
Yeah. Absolutely. And if you could meet one famous person, dead or alive, who would that be?  

Ebonee:
Oh, that would be First Lady Michelle Obama. Her presence. Just hearing her speak. Uh, right now I’m listening to one of her books. I’m listening to The Light That We Carry and it’s an amazing follow up. After reading Becoming, I just sit in awe with her words and just all the amazing things that she does. And then on top of that, she recognizes school counselors and the work that we do. So I would love to just sit down and talk with her and just pick her brain and all of her fabulousness and just soak that in.  

Aimee:
Maybe you could have some hot chips together.  

Ebonee:
Yes, or whatever it is that she likes!

Aimee:
Whatever she wants. That’s right! Well, thank you so much. I really did enjoy talking to you today. Thank you. 

Ebonee:
Thank you for having me.  

Matt:
You can find links to the resources Dr. Magee-Dorsey mentioned today, plus a few more at our podcast website. That’s inspiresuccess.org/podcast where you can also find past episodes and encouraging music playlist and much more. And if you enjoy the podcast, please like us or share us on your favorite social media platform. We certainly appreciate that. Hey, have a great week. Please join us again next time.